A Winter Morning Long Ago

[Don't have a reason but thought I'd go ahead and post this today. It has been lying in my 'Documents' for over a year now. Is it wise to post it? Not sure if it even makes sense...nevertheless...]

A soft morning glow stretches across the sky. From up here, the distant skyline looks a tinge of light pink on the right. On the left, it’s still dark, and the houses of Fulbari are a mere haze. I feel my body awaken to a gentle tremor which makes me sit up. I don’t know why it’s always the same. I sit up, strain my eyes for any sign of movement in the northernmost horizon. There isn’t any. I know there won’t be any though I can definitely feel the tremor gradually increasing in intensity. I look down to see a hazy reflection in the water which runs almost gleefully away. There is a sense of expectancy in the air that is difficult to ignore. I try and gather my shirt around me a little tightly as if to counter the steady wind that makes my eyes burn. I keep wiping the trickles though I am not crying. It feels funny and all of a sudden I am seized with an uncontrollable urge to do something. I stand up. Throwing my slippers away in between the lines of cold steel i pull myself up to the best of my abilities drawing heavy gusts of breath. The chill almost hits the insides of my nostrils making a slight chill go down my spine. It’s not fear. It’s the excitement the makes your nerves tense for a second before relaxing into a state controlled unrest that eggs you on to take the plunge.

 

The tremor isn’t feeble any more. I can feel the cold steel vibrate under my feet. The northern horizon, barely a hundred yards away is still a curtain of mist and darkness but there is something beyond it that is steadily making its presence or progression felt. This is the moment. I turn left to see the houses of Fulbari once, fix my gaze on the north, turn right and let my instincts take over my reason. With a swift movement I heave my body off my feet and lunge in the air. The northern horizon a disturbed film of motion, noise, and smoke now, I stretch my right feet and land on the other end. My body still trying to regain the balance after a long jump, the morning local tears past signaling the official arrival of the new day.

I Hate...

Well, it feels really surreal to be writing this...probably I've lost it or am going to pretty soon. But the fact is that I never thought I 'hate' something. The idea of hating something or someone seemed really appaling. Not that it was a philosophical stance or anything but just that, until very recently, I used to think that I'm capable of dealing with things, people, situations...not a problem, I can always 'think my way through.' 'You don't always have to react, right.' 'Just take it cool, think things through and you'll know what to do, how to react bla bla. Give people (peace) a chance.

Urrrrrrgh. Nonsense. You can give people a chance only if they are willing to give themselves or you a chance; not otherwise. And,  my friend, that's where the problem lies. That's why I 'hate'

situations where everyone is equally frustrated and incapacitated cause they really can't do much to help. As a result, they play the one-up game. You wanna see, I can flex my muscles here, just you wait, gotcha! You think I'm going to give you an easy time? Well, do I get it? Wait and watch how I screw things up for you.

What's the solution? I really don't know yaar. I think it'd help if everybody came clean and just vented 'out' and not 'at' someone. Why can't everybody say, look here I'm really fucked up, and there isn't a lot I can do about it; can you help? 

Let's face it. There isn't going to be a second coming anytime soon (no religious sentiments please, I'm being literal) and I don't see any messaih around. The ones who claim to be are even more fucked up than you can imagine. So, it's really up to you. Do you want to necessarily hurt someone or do you want someone to listen to you, say you're going to be alright, maybe. offer a pat on the back?

Be ready to lay bare. Don't hide your wounds. You're creating more by doing that. Remember, it's never too damn late.

You and I

I've lost count of the times that I tried

To give vent to my thoughts and cough up

Or maybe, tweak and turn it a little

Flirting with the flitting words that I 

Always wanted to say

Call it providence, sloth or guile, what you will

I know it's not fair, not done.

Why couldn't you? Just say it!

Yes, it's not like it has to be creative

Or perfect. Just plain stupid would do!

Why does it alwyas have to be like this

I mean some things are better felt

Than 'said.' Anyways, I bet she knows!

Does she? Oh wouldn't she have...

Nopes, she won't. I have to...

----

So, here it goes. "You know what..."

And the rest is...well, if not history

Something no one remembers for sure.

Don't! Oh please, now they wouldn't agree

But you see, that doesn't matter anymore

The truth is there for all the world to see.

Blugger!

OK, so here it comes! My first attempt at 'blogging' the way bloggers are supposed to. I mean mostly in a blog you'd expect to find candid stuff from the blogger's life; not mine :( I am pretty lousy when it comes to that candid stuff. I am happy in my dreams weaving vignettes from life with the contents of a filmy (as in seen through a film; no bollywood please) bubble. 

But, this time round I feel like giving candid a shot. I was taught and brought up to behave nicely with people, especially with those who are elder to me. Never a beliver in any kind of protocol, I somehow had always abided by this one. Another one, never be rude to people. Blugger!

I have always had more than a soft corner for window seats. I make it  a point to reach the airport on time, so I can ask the person at the boarding counter for a window seat. This time too, I was there a good hour and a half before take-off to secure my window seat. Having secured that, I spent the rest of my time at the bookstore browsing through over-priced good-for-nothing coffee-table books written by equally good-for-nothing socialites.

On boarding the flight, and being greeted with the trained smiles of the flight attendents, I make my way to 26 F. There are a couple elderly guys sitting in 26F and E. I politely ask the dignified looking man in F," excuse me, that's my seat." He gives me a smug smile and replies with a question: "Do you have any problem sitting there at the aisle seat?" I reply with the practised smile my profession has taught me to use against rude people and prettly clearly put it "I prefer a window seat, so I came early..." He gives me an infurating smile and says, "All seats come for the same fare. Just sit on." !!!

Not stopping at that, he turns to the man in E and says, "this is his seat, so I asked if he has a problem sitting at mine." I try and take it off my mind and concentrate on the Hindi movie playing on the monitor in front of me. After snacks is served, one of the flight-attendents come with a feedback form, and extend it to the man in E with a practised saccharine sweet smile, " would you like to give us some feedback, sir?" Response: He opens his eyes, looks at the attendent as if she's a detergent salesgirl and waves his hand at an invisible fly.

I am astounded at the way these 'elders' travelling on a premier airline are setting examples of proper behavior for us 'youngsters.' We are rude, disrespectful, insolent, bla bla and what a fine example these 'gentlemen' were! 

I have made up my mind. I'm going to give it back to people who deserve it! Next time, I'm not going to go to the attendent and say sorry on behalf of others. I am going to turn around and say Blugger! No excusing someone for their age, just get up and vacate my seat, "yes I have a problem." Blugger!!!

Lost in the forest

A whiff of a familiar scent and touch that tells you a lot more

Than an entire website

Are things that allow me to travel back like a flip chart 

To an age free of appearances

Lost in a strange forest with no foot tracks to guide me

I grope my way through.

 

I hear the sound of broken twigs cracking under my feet like

A mad drummer out of rhythm

Endless series of cobwebs brush against my face, I stare

At the vicious spiders,

Dark, poisonous, and full of guile, they give me the creeps

But I move on braving them.

 

It’s pointless to think of cleanliness in this state, but still

I try to keep the cobwebs away

From my thoughts and that inner core of belief that keeps

Me going through anything

I close my eyes and do the flip chart; there I am back in the light

Here I am back in the light.

And I look back at the foot track I have created.

Still Hanging Around

Don't worry maa, your little boy's a kid no more
I am not scared by the shadows round the corner
And can speak up to hold my ground
See, I'm still hanging around

You remember paa, how fascinated I used to be
When you'd tell your stories, there's so much to see
I wanted to see as much as there is in the world
And I am still hanging around

How many dreams make a dreamer, you may ask
Well, isn't one enough if it's worthy of the task
Some day I'll dream my dream; Until then
It'll be just hanging around

The Ballad of the Consumer Friend

There are times you wish hadn’t come

Often, some leave you with a heavy heart

And you part ways and say goodbye

With a cosmetic smile now and then

But there are others, they come and go

And so do tides, who cares how many

Company is a shallow word, but keeps

You going as long as you don’t ask for more

What then about more? Just ha-ha-hi-hi

I see! Good job man! Awesome it is

Stinks and then the craving for fresh air

Despair, my friend, just cut the crap

All this bunkum isn’t much of anything

Sing if you may or can, if not, excuse us

So much fuss and no frills! Chill man

Be happy or pretend to be