A Winter Morning Long Ago

[Don't have a reason but thought I'd go ahead and post this today. It has been lying in my 'Documents' for over a year now. Is it wise to post it? Not sure if it even makes sense...nevertheless...]

A soft morning glow stretches across the sky. From up here, the distant skyline looks a tinge of light pink on the right. On the left, it’s still dark, and the houses of Fulbari are a mere haze. I feel my body awaken to a gentle tremor which makes me sit up. I don’t know why it’s always the same. I sit up, strain my eyes for any sign of movement in the northernmost horizon. There isn’t any. I know there won’t be any though I can definitely feel the tremor gradually increasing in intensity. I look down to see a hazy reflection in the water which runs almost gleefully away. There is a sense of expectancy in the air that is difficult to ignore. I try and gather my shirt around me a little tightly as if to counter the steady wind that makes my eyes burn. I keep wiping the trickles though I am not crying. It feels funny and all of a sudden I am seized with an uncontrollable urge to do something. I stand up. Throwing my slippers away in between the lines of cold steel i pull myself up to the best of my abilities drawing heavy gusts of breath. The chill almost hits the insides of my nostrils making a slight chill go down my spine. It’s not fear. It’s the excitement the makes your nerves tense for a second before relaxing into a state controlled unrest that eggs you on to take the plunge.

 

The tremor isn’t feeble any more. I can feel the cold steel vibrate under my feet. The northern horizon, barely a hundred yards away is still a curtain of mist and darkness but there is something beyond it that is steadily making its presence or progression felt. This is the moment. I turn left to see the houses of Fulbari once, fix my gaze on the north, turn right and let my instincts take over my reason. With a swift movement I heave my body off my feet and lunge in the air. The northern horizon a disturbed film of motion, noise, and smoke now, I stretch my right feet and land on the other end. My body still trying to regain the balance after a long jump, the morning local tears past signaling the official arrival of the new day.

I Hate...

Well, it feels really surreal to be writing this...probably I've lost it or am going to pretty soon. But the fact is that I never thought I 'hate' something. The idea of hating something or someone seemed really appaling. Not that it was a philosophical stance or anything but just that, until very recently, I used to think that I'm capable of dealing with things, people, situations...not a problem, I can always 'think my way through.' 'You don't always have to react, right.' 'Just take it cool, think things through and you'll know what to do, how to react bla bla. Give people (peace) a chance.

Urrrrrrgh. Nonsense. You can give people a chance only if they are willing to give themselves or you a chance; not otherwise. And,  my friend, that's where the problem lies. That's why I 'hate'

situations where everyone is equally frustrated and incapacitated cause they really can't do much to help. As a result, they play the one-up game. You wanna see, I can flex my muscles here, just you wait, gotcha! You think I'm going to give you an easy time? Well, do I get it? Wait and watch how I screw things up for you.

What's the solution? I really don't know yaar. I think it'd help if everybody came clean and just vented 'out' and not 'at' someone. Why can't everybody say, look here I'm really fucked up, and there isn't a lot I can do about it; can you help? 

Let's face it. There isn't going to be a second coming anytime soon (no religious sentiments please, I'm being literal) and I don't see any messaih around. The ones who claim to be are even more fucked up than you can imagine. So, it's really up to you. Do you want to necessarily hurt someone or do you want someone to listen to you, say you're going to be alright, maybe. offer a pat on the back?

Be ready to lay bare. Don't hide your wounds. You're creating more by doing that. Remember, it's never too damn late.

You and I

I've lost count of the times that I tried

To give vent to my thoughts and cough up

Or maybe, tweak and turn it a little

Flirting with the flitting words that I 

Always wanted to say

Call it providence, sloth or guile, what you will

I know it's not fair, not done.

Why couldn't you? Just say it!

Yes, it's not like it has to be creative

Or perfect. Just plain stupid would do!

Why does it alwyas have to be like this

I mean some things are better felt

Than 'said.' Anyways, I bet she knows!

Does she? Oh wouldn't she have...

Nopes, she won't. I have to...

----

So, here it goes. "You know what..."

And the rest is...well, if not history

Something no one remembers for sure.

Don't! Oh please, now they wouldn't agree

But you see, that doesn't matter anymore

The truth is there for all the world to see.